SEEKING SANGRI LA

 

the fallen ones

succumb the longest

so don’t fall for me

I’m far from strongest

my shores are stranded

my mountains too steep

countless pillagers

have knocked my beat

leaving mere shadows

more myths to spin

recorded in diaries

no one comprehends

dense and bittersweet

to the very dark end

​

​

​

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT RAIN

 

I don’t wonder anymore

or wish and wait for rain

I don’t wonder

about the poet

who wooed me

with his pain

I don’t wonder anymore

if we were really all that

poetic

and yet there are days

when I wonder

where his wild lied

and I wonder still

if he knew that I…

never really wanted him

to be that perfect

kind

of

guy

​

​

 

BREAKTHROUGH 

 

at long last you’ve learned

to pivot when lost

and smile when scorned

leading your soles to land

where golden bells toll

and strong hands hold

you and you

search the sky

and sigh in relief

that you were once

told to shut up

and leave

​

​

 

STAR SHINE

 

remember that star

you once wished upon

it’s still falling

waiting for your open palms

to catch its shine

​

​

 

THUNDERSTRUCK

​

he sent me a rhyme about losing time

and dreams unraveled at the seams

in 1998

he pretended to hate

the rain

but I knew his secret

I knew the story that beat

bloody and throbbing

beneath his second-hand silk shirt

beneath his white-coated tongue

I knew this and yet

I never knew his name

but my god how he loved the thunder

how he loved to fuckin’ reel me six feet under

longing to hook a ride

longing to shake the road-dust

from his mind

leaving him pristine and soul-clean

catching enough time

to dream

​

​

 

FAIRYTALES

 

nearly everything I was once

told was true

wasn’t

the infamous fable that good girls done

open themselves to suggestion

open their hearts to chance

open their minds to opposing sides

open their legs to circumstance

legs of good girls

brought up

shaming curves

taught up

taming curls

too small for small minds

I don’t mind though

I don’t mind that the hero

of my story—our story

isn’t of a good girl

but a rebel who braved

the wind of rules

disillusioned

disabused

demanding freedom to choose

when her flesh needed feeding

when her intellect needed reading

when the moral was: it’s not

morally correct

when it’s only convenient

​

​

 

AN UNDYING PROMISE

 

I should know better

to let strangers in

I should know better by now

to allow love under my skin

I should know better…and yet

I open myself again and again

​

​

​

NEAR MISS

 

lost seeds

tangled stories

twisting themselves inside

core memories never to bloom

lotus

​

​

​

NO SPACE FOR FAKES

 

lately

you’ve got this air

about you

and I don’t care

to breathe it

in

 

 

​​​

RAINY DAYS & MONDAYS

​

When the world is illogical

no reason or rhyme

when you’re struggling to survive

during this grueling time

when no one’s cooperating

and nothing’s working out

just do what you can

then shut the rest out

don’t let dark clouds

rain ruin on your day

just focus on the sun

and you’ll be okay

​​

​​

​​

LONELY LINES

​​

lonely is a cross

a church with no steeple

lonely is drowning

in a sea of people

​

lonely is a desert

without any sand

lonely is a palm

holding no one’s hand

 

lonely is lotion

rubbed on skin

lonely is the blanket

to wrap yourself in

 

lonely is hiding

behind a billion tears

lonely is screaming

but nobody hears

 

lonely…sometimes

is your very best friend

because lonely will be there

until the very end

​

​​

​​

FREEFALLING

​

This might not make sense

but sometimes I wonder

why it’s easier to accept

the weight that I’m under

when I envision myself

six feet under

 

now I know what you’re thinking

and it’s not like that

not at all

it’s just…

I need to touch ground

when I feel myself fall

​​

​​

​​

MINDFUL MAZE

​

life is a labyrinth

with many trap doors

but your soul knows the way

it’s made the journey before

​​

​​

​​

DREAM WEAVER

​

I love how words

transform from dust

how the poet inside

of me forever must

go on someway

somewhere

somehow

even on days

I don’t know how

​

I love the way dreams

never cease

how my shattered heart

still steadily beats

despite it all and everything

the nothings

the nobodies

the illusive

never-endings

​​

​​

​​

MOON-TALKS

​

The moon last night

reached out to me

told me it’s alright

to fall to your knees

on days that seem

too heavy to stand

or breathe

​​

​​

​​

STUCK IN NEUTRAL

​

Damn girl

you’re stuck here still??

I would’ve thought by now

you’d found some way out

instead of hanging around

so down and shit

so pissed you could spit

damn girl listen to me

it takes guts to be you

yeah I know…seriously

stumbling and tripping in those shoes

falling flat and feeling like a fool

don’t surrender so easily

flip off that replay inside your head

the one making you off balance

and dizzy with dread

try singing a song your soul craves instead

that universal verse will boot your ass

out of reverse and straight into drive

so you can stop struggling

so you can survive

so you can just…

damn girl just drive

​​

​​​​​​​​

​

HOSTAGE

 

My god—why did I

shed those tears

all those years

trying to contain myself

placing my soul upon a shelf

trying to survive

inside that box

imprisoned with endless locks

gifted to me as a child of five

don’t color outside the lines

don’t live outside your means

keep living the lie

swallow those dreams

swallow those screams

shoving it 

all underneath

where I could not breathe

My god—why did I?

​​

​​

​​